This week on “Game of Thrones,” we start exactly where we left off last week: the scene of King Joffrey’s untimely, yet completely glorious death! The rest of the episode shows us how all the other major players are…dealing with it.
First up, Sansa and Dontos escape King’s Landing before Tywin manages to close the city’s borders. They take a dinghy to a larger boat, where – surprise! – Littlefinger is waiting! And as Littlefinger is wont to do, he betrays poor Dontos for all of his loyalty. I did not see that arrow to the head coming! Turns out Dontos had been working for Littlefinger the whole time; even the precious family heirloom that Dontos gave Sansa was all part of his plan to lure Sansa to him. Littlefinger is so damn sneaky! Sansa is stuck now going with him, since the fact that she fled the scene makes her look pretty damn guilty. Littlefinger tells her not to worry. “You’re safe with me, sailing home,” he says. Uh yeah, right.
Meanwhile on the “Arya and the Hound Comedy Hour,” our favorite unlikely duo find shelter with a nice man and his little girl. The next morning Arya is shocked to find out that The Hound had knocked the man out and stole his silver. “Dead men don’t need silver,” he says. But they’re not dead, Arya protests. They will be, counters The Hound. And such is life in Westeros. I probably wouldn’t last two seconds there.
Back at King’s Landing, Margaery and Lady Olenna have a little chit chat. Margaery ponders whether or not she’s queen and laments her fate as the wife to dead kings with issues. She feels cursed!
Lady Olenna gets it right once again when she says this to Margaery:
I’m siding with Lady Olenna in this case. Nothing could be worth having to do sexy times with Joffrey.
One person who is having no trouble moving right along is good old Tywin Lannister! As Cersei mourns over Joffrey’s googly-eyed adorned corpse, Tywin starts schooling the next-in-line for the throne: young Tommen. Cersei’s all like “This is not the time or place,” Tywin’s all like “Your brother was not a wise king. Your brother was not a good king.” Then he basically tells him that a wise king admits to what he doesn’t know and listens to his advisors. Long story short, Tywin is basically the king now.
And now to the biggest controversy of the night…of the series? All I know is that the internet is PISSED. Jaime arrives on the scene and Cersei promptly begs him to kill Tyrion, she doesn’t trust that a trial will end the way she wants, which is with Tyrion being executed. Jaime isn’t so sure about that idea. Cersei begs. They kiss. She pushes him away and then basically Jaime does what he wants anyway, despite his sister’s protests. Oy. I know there is so much wrong going on here it’s hard to decide what’s the wrongest. But I’m going to have to go with the rape.
When the fact that people are having sex next to a dead body isn’t even the worst thing happening in a scene, you know it’s bad. This does not happen in the books and I have to say, I liked good and basically moral Jaime Lannister, so I’m a little miffed at this choice. And I’m not the only one.
On a more touching note, we have the scene between Tyrion and Podrick. Podrick visits Tyrion in jail, bringing him food and the inside scoop on Tyrion’s impending trial. Tyrion then forbids Podrick to visit him again in order to protect him. We all cry. I wasn’t the only one, right?
Meanwhile in the two storylines I’m not super interested in this episode, at House Baratheon we have Stannis finding out about Joffrey’s death and Davos coming up with a plan involving the Iron Bank of Braavos.
And at The Wall we have the Thenns and the Wildings taking out a whole village, in which the Thenn leader tells a young boy he’s going to kill and eat his parents, a move so heinous even Hannibal Lecter was like ‘DAYUM!’ The boy is then instructed to tell the Rangers what’s up. Jon Snow wants to make a move immediately and Sam wants to put Gilly and the baby in a whorehouse to keep them safe.
Last but not least, we have an awesome closing scene, once again courtesy of Daenerys and her army. They arrive in Meereen, where they are confronted to a fight by Meereen’s champion. Daario agrees to fight the champion and naturally defeats him in an epic way before turning his charms on Dany. SHE LOVES IT!
Then the Mother of Dragons addresses the slave population, offering them freedom if they join her, before she orders her crew to catapults barrels full of slave collars over the city walls. The slaves pick up the collars and give knowing looks to the worried elite. OH SNAP! Dany drops the mic again!
What did you think of this episode? Let us know in the comments!
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