I really needed a kickass episode of Game of Throne last night, and sadly I didn’t get one. I mean it was aiiiight…but when a pinky finger skinning is one of the episode ‘highlights’, you know it’s not destined to go down as one of your favorites. But let’s try to find something to make hay of, shall we? Because trust me, sh*t’s about to go down in future episodes!
First we get a double does of meh scenes, a Sam and Gilly lullaby scene that was the opposite of beginning with a bang and a Bran-focused one that was basically just two ‘ladies’ fighting about who was the better rabbit skinner, an argument I have with my girlfriends all the time. Oh yeah and a seizure. So two fighting ladies and a seizure. Actually not as exciting as it sounds.
And now for some Ygritte and Jon Snow! I love Ygritte teasing him about her past lovers, her ball crushing ways and Snow’s tongue action. And then she’s all like, “I know you’re still loyal to the Night’s Watch, boo.” Jon plays it cool. Ygritte’s all “It’s me and you, boo.” And then she gets all Lorena Bobbitt on him. I had to pause the show here so I could check out the etymology of the word c*ck. When did I lose my attention span!? Damn you, internet!
Next up… Arya! Which is always a good thing. Oh hell no! Melisandre is here too stinking up a perfectly fine Arya scene. Melisandre is there to pick up Gendry and his valuable king ‘fluids’. Then she has a one-on-one with Arya, ‘You’re a witch’! Haha this made me laugh for some reason. That’s so, Arya! Get on it Disney Channel!
THEON TORTURE! Oh man. I can’t even. If girls on Tumblr are still crushing on this cute ‘boy’ after that scene then I don’t wanna live on this planet anymore.
A little torture palate cleanser. Robb Stark! My GoT boo!
Oh man…setting up Edmure’s wedding to a Frey girl. Note to the producers: This would be a great time to start deviating from the book. Just saying!
Oh yeah! Jaime and Brienne! Brienne is slaying it in a pink frock and the Kingslayer is doing his best to win my heart again. Bran maimer, who? Jaime once again attempts to save Brienne, but is denied for now. Kudos on the nice ‘Overplaying your…position.’ line. And I loved the sweet moment when Brienne helped Jaime cut his meat. Something I hope will be a naughty euphemism for these two one day.
And now two pretty awesome scenes!
The literal Climb! I ain’t gonna lie…I have no desire to climb a mountain or a wall. Especially all old school style, but I enjoy watching others struggle. We definitely got a very exciting action sequence, Orell cuts the two lovebirds loose in order to save himself, nailbiting sequence, Jon saves Ygritte!!
His c*ck lives to see another day! Not that she could cut it off if she were dead, but knowing Ygritte, she’d find a way.
Next up my favorite scene of the episode. Tywin and Lady Olenna at long last! These two have at it over the Loras/Cersei nuptials. There are so many funny friggin’ lines in this scene, but when she calls Loras ‘a sword-swallower true and true’ has to be my hands down fave. And I died when the Lady questioned Tywin’s denial of having had a little hanky panky with a hunky stable boy in his past.
Then she dropped the incest bomb! SNAP! But then Tywin threatened to basically end the Tyrell line. DOUBLE SNAP! Lady Olwynn had been beat. I wanted her to win so bad. At least she had the satisfaction of breaking Tywin’s favorite quill.
Seriously boring Loras/Sansa scene. Thank the Lord of the Light these two won’t be married!
Oh yay, a nice little Tyrion/Cersei scene. Can’t these two just get married? Cersei kind of, sort of acknowledges that it was Joffrey who gave the order to have Tyrion killed at the Battle of Blackwater. His punishment for the bitch slap heard ’round the world!
She also conceded that it was Tyrion who saved the day. Yay! Sweet vindication! Also this little haha: ‘It’s hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of this arrangement.’ Oh Tyrion! Way to rub it in.
Then Tyrion goes to tell Sansa the bad news. She insists he tell her whatever he has to tell her in front of… Shae.
I hate when I have to propose marriage to someone in front of my secret lover.
Next up the figurative climb scene! I always enjoy a good Littlefinger/Varys banter.
Even when it sadly reveals the gruesome demise of poor Ros.
And the episode ends on a rare uplifting GoT’s moment. Ygritte and Jon reaching the top of the wall. I’m not a huge nature-lover but it was pretty. And there was making out.
Are you looking forward to next week’s Tyrion/Sansa nuptials? What are you going to wear?
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