Discovery Channel’s summer programming event is in its 26th year. In celebration of the pending invasion of sharks to television sets everywhere, I figured it might be fun to add some levity with a little shark jumping (AIR JAWS!) of my own by sharing these crazy shark movie moments.
Grab that bottle, Quint! Sh*t’s about to get bonkers!
Shark In Venice (2008)
So here we have two young lovers just taking a stroll on a stereotypical looking bridge in Venice, Italy. Upon closer inspection, we actually see one guy is obviously an alcoholic who loves drinking from the bottle in public. And the girl he’s trying to score with somehow takes his advances as him trying to get her drunk (her words, not mine!). Thankfully that shark comes along and puts us all out of our misery just in time!
Ask any cinefile and they’ll identify Lucio Fulci’s Zombie (aka Zombi2) as a classic zombie movie. I completely agree with this sentiment. However, I have always found this scene above a bit bizarre. Okay, aside from the outlandish thought of a walker getting into fisticuffs with a great white, would a zombie not float? How is he just walking down there!? Come to think of it, George Romero had his zombies walk on the bottom of the ocean in Land Of The Dead. Dammit, someone explain this to me.
Oh, and wouldn’t a shark just eat the bastard and then thusly become an undead shark? Someone call Asylum cuz I got a movie idea!
2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)
The star of 2-Headed Shark Attack is Carmen Electra. I repeat, Carmen Electra has top billing in this movie! That alone would be a reason to watch, if just for the sheer hope of watching her demise at the hand of a double headed…shark…I totally was going to write shark. Ahem…
Anyway, aside from Ms. Electra, Brooke Hogan also acts in this movie. That’s right. Hulk Hogan’s daughter is now an actress. Thankfully, she dies after getting all stabby on the double headed…on the 2-headed…yeah, you get it. Moving on.
Sharktopus is everything you would expect from Roger Corman and Syfy. If you don’t get it from the title, the film basically revolves around a giant killer shark-octopus hybrid. There are so many awesomely ridiculous moments from this movie. But one that always invites a chuckle is this one above. Dude didn’t even get to finish his lunch break!
Sometimes, people forget there was a Batman movie before Tim Burton’s 1989 film. I was one of those people. And then I happened to remember this cinematic masterpiece. I have four words for you: Shark Repellant Bat-Spray.
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
That classic moment when Samuel L. Jackson delivers a stirring monologue…only to be violently mauled by one giant pissed off shark. Hey look, it’s Thomas Jane!
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
This is probably the best scene from the entire film. I bet the filmmakers were up late, participating in illicit substances while watching every episode of “Air Jaws.” Aside from Mega Shark making the leap out of the water just to take down that plane, I need to point out – that guy’s getting married in two days! NOPE.
And finally, this list wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention Sharknado. The Asylum team really outdid themselves with this giant turd of ridiculousness. You see, Ian Ziering has a chainsaw and a death wish. He’s just gonna jump right inside of one giant great white as that cold front barrels it right towards his town. And then, he’s just going to buzz his way right out of the beast’s stomach. Oh hey, there’s a girl in there! How quaint!
In case you missed Sharknado or are dying to see it on the big screen, the film is hitting theaters for one night only tonight, August 2nd. Check this link for participating locations!
Got any ridiculous shark moments that didn’t make my list? Go ahead and toss them at my chainsaw in the comments below! And remember, “Shark Week” begins this Sunday, August 4th, at 9/8c on Discovery, with 11 new “Shark Week” themed episodes (that’s a record)!
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