It’s just a mere 7 days until Halloween is upon us and besides getting dressed up in costumes and going to parties, the next thing on the list that everyone seems to look forward to is all that candy eating. Seriously, you’re all a bunch of gluttons! Well, maybe not as bad as Augustus Gloop (pictured above), but still.
If you’re anything like me, you probably will wait until the last minute to stock up your candy supplies to hand out to the neighborhood kids. But you may also be intrigued by the lesser known confections that exist in the world. I’m talking about the weird, the odd, and just the plain gross ideas that have ended up becoming actual sweets one can acquire.
I’ve compiled a list of ten. Whether you want to put these in your collective mouths is completely up to you.
This Mexican candy gets its name from what I can only deduce is an actual dish some kid named Lucas thought would taste good when left alone to his own devices. Lucas Salsaghetti is a chewy watermelon gummy noodle treat that is sprinkled with tamarind sauce. Sounds gross to me, but what do I know?
Fini Chicle Bubble Gum Camel Balls Extra Sour
Hey, it’s time to put some camel testicles in your mouth and chew! While it is true some third world nations view animal testicles as a delicacy, this treat will not recall those adventurous flavors. Instead, these balls are filled with extra sour liquid and are meant for chewing…consistently….because these are gum balls. I’m assuming the creators of this treat saw how well Joe Camel was advertising cigarettes to children with his penis-shaped nose and decided to go one step further.
There’s a company called Archie McPhee that’s put out some interesting treats including items with names like Chicken Suckers and Foie Gras Bubble Gum. Not to be outdone, I bring to your attention the genius candy concoction that is Gravy Candy. Because why limit that wonderful gravy taste to your mashed potatoes and turkey dinner?
EAR WAX CANDY
What you have here is a plastic shaped candy vessel shaped like an ear. Along with this, a device that looks to a Q-tip is supplied to assist in picking the fruit flavored gummy gels from the ear to your mouth. It looks like ear wax but doesn’t taste like it! And don’t ask me how I know that.
Well if there is candy made to look like earwax, then it is no surprise to me that this pimple candy exists. Another gummy treat, Zit Poppers are soft to the touch, gross-looking and a gooey red ooze comes out when squeezed. Zit Poppers are “plump and ripe” and come in both strawberry and watermelon flavors.
We’ve all been there. You have a painful bruise on your elbow. It’s nagging you. You scratch at the band-aid until one day you’ve had enough and rip that tiny bandage off and pop it into your mouth. Am I right?! Well anyway, that’s kind of what you get with Boo-Boo Licks Edible Candy Bandages. Except there are fruit-flavored candies that apparently “contain real fruit juice.” Yeah, sure. As their website says, “Each pack includes 12 wrapped candy scabs bandages.” Yummy.
JAPANESE BUTT PUDDING
The Japanese sure are…interesting. This here is what is known as a “butt pudding kit.” There’s also a “boob pudding kit.” I’ll just leave this video below to explain further because I’m sorta speechless here.
HEART MOKO MOKO TOILET CANDY
From butt pudding to toilet candy, the Japanese have the candy market on lock! There are a few different versions of this candy, along with an American version. However, this toilet candy involves the assembly of the plastic toilet, the insertion of the candy into the tank and the resulting frothy liquid mix that bubbles up in the bowl. Of course a straw is supplied for proper Moko Moko consumption. Time to drink out of the toilet!
BLOOD & URINE SAMPLE CANDY
Everyone loves some sweet and sour liquid candies, right? How about these candies presented like urine and blood samples? Available in both sour lemonade and sour cherry, these candies will bring back those fond memories of being poked and prodded in the medical clinic down the road after that night of very bad things you and your best buddy did in Vegas. Now, instead of making eye contact, just hand him one of these. I’m sure you’ll both look back and laugh about it all soon enough.
And finally, we end where most things end: poop. There’s been a lot of bodily functions referenced in this list and Chocka Ca-Ca is no exception. This treat is simple enough. You’ve got your chocolate turtles that are then wrapped in a baby’s diaper. And once you’ve finished getting your chocolate fix, it may be helpful to know that the diaper in question is clean and usable in case you actually have a baby that poops. If you have one that doesn’t, then your baby isn’t human and RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
That’s all I’ve got today. What are the novelty candies you like putting into your face holes? Force feed them to me in the comments below!
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