OMG “True Blood,” I totally need more from you! Because these first two episodes were a bit ho-hum. I feel completely ungrateful for ever complaining about a slow Game of Thrones episode. Sure there were some good moments this episode, but my “True Blood” fix can’t be met with just an undercover nerd Eric Northman alone! Well, maybe it can. But let’s plod through shall we?
First we find out that Warlow isn’t Warlow at all, he’s Jason and Sookie’s f*cking fairy grandfather! Rutger Hauer, I mean Niall, had just been testing him and surprise! Jason failed the test.
Back at Fangtasia, Eric pulled a silver bullet full of UV Rays out of Tara’s leg. Ouch. The humans are getting kind of badass. But no one out-badasses Eric Northman. “If the humans want war, we’ll give them war” he says before storming out like a boss.
At Casa Billith we learn that Bill can feel other Vampires’ pain. Then Bill goes to see Lilith in some kind of alternate reality. The bloody nude chicks are there too and yet it’s still very boring for some reason.
Merlotte’s is jamming and Arlene is pissed because Sookie hasn’t shown up for her shift. HOW HAS SHE NOT BEEN FIRED YET!? On the way to work Sookie comes across injured hottie half-fairy Ben. And let’s just say if things don’t work out with me and Eric, Ben can totally be my fake boyfriend. Because DAYUM!
And another great moment from this week’s episode that is completely free of guys I want to be my boyfriend, WORLD’S BEST BABYSITTER:
A pretty lady named Nicole, from the Vampire Unity Society, tries to convince Sam to ‘come out’ as a shifter. He’s like ‘Naaaahh!’ Then she pulls out the ‘My grandparents risked their lives as Freedom Fighters’ card and Sam was STILL like ‘Naaaahh!’
Back to boring Billith. Why isn’t this scene more riveting? Kind of should be don’t you think? On Jessica’s side of things, Bill is completely catatonic, so she orders him a Human Edible to cheer him up. I guess it worked because he got slightly less catatonic. Bye Tasty Treat!
Then there were a bunch of meh scenes. Sookie and hot Fae Ben making eyes at each other.
Fairy Grandfather goes through a Portal.
Hot Fae askes Sookie out and she SO DUMBLY DECLINES.
And then we’re back at Fangtasia, where Nora discovers something important in the Vampire Bible. “And so it was that the people led Lilith to the sun. And so it shall be again. As the blood ascends, two will become one. When light and dark collide, her salvation is at hand.” Huh? Pam and Nora have a totally ‘Aww!’ moment, when Nora tells Pam how much Eric loves her. Awww! Did he mention me, Nora?
The best scene of the night has got to be Eric going undercover and posing as a reporter to gain access to the Governor. Because this:
Also loved the Whooping Crane dialogue, that ended with Eric saying, “It’s a tough f*cking bird.” Then Eric tries to glamour the Governor and FAILS! OH SH*T! He’s trapped but flies away like Superman, which is kind of cool since he had a little bit of a Clark Kent thing going on earlier.
Back at the Stackhouse house, fairy grandfather tells Sookie and Eric about the Stackhouse history with Warlow and about Sookie’s special one-time only power that can stop him. Also we learn that Sookie is a Fairy Princess.
Poor dumb, hot Jason!
Then we’re back to something I probably should care about but for some reason don’t: Alcide and his pack Wolfnap little Emma.
But on to more important things, nom nommy Eric is back! The Governor’s daughter Willa is changing into some sexy nightwear when Eric shows up and asks to be invited in. Naturally she says yes. Because duh. Maybe I should rethink my flannel gnome PJs if I want hot vamps coming to my window?
Back at Billith Mansion, Jessica says a prayer and Bill finally returns. But when Bill sees on TV something he had initially thought had already happened, he realizes that he can actually see the future. Which is really bad because he sees this:
So hopefully next week things start cooking and it’s not any of our favortie vamp characters. Especially this guy:
And I’ll be looking forward all week to seeing this scene play out:
Hubba hubba! What do you think? Are you jonesing for more oomph in “True Blood” this season?
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