The bad man finally stopped! January is officially done unleashing it’s fiery wrath upon movie goers everywhere and while February isn’t always much better……it isn’t January. Here’s your guide to the biggest movies releasing in theaters this month.
Pride and Prejudice Zombies
It’s always nice to see a horror movie premiering early in the year that isn’t a found footage exorcism flick or a Marlon Wayans spoof. This one’s a take on Jane Austin’s 19th century story of lovers from different social standing; with um….zombies. It’s a horror comedy directed by Burr Steers (Charlie St. Cloud) and starring Lily James, Lena Headey, Douglas Booth and Matt Smith. Early critic reviews (merely a handful) seemed to be mixed.
Dubbed as a comedy, drama, musical, mystery and directed by Ethan and Joel Cohen (No Country For Old Men), this one has movie aficionados everywhere licking their chops. It’s rare for the Cohen brothers to have a hard miss and with a cast sporting Scarlett Johansson, Channing Tatum, George Clooney, Ralph Fiennes, Josh Brolin, Jonah Hill, Tilda Swinton and (my personal most anticipated), Dolph Lundgren; It’s hard to imagine Hail, Caesar won’t entertain. A true marker that January is finally over.
Okay, maybe I lied to you and it’s still January. The latest Nicholas Sparks adaptation built to make you love a character so they can die in the saddest way imaginable; two people end up in a relationship which gets heavily tested by life. Yes, I could apply that exact same synopsis to every movie made about a Nicholas Sparks book ever. No, I haven’t seen it yet and for all we know this could be next years Oscar winner. No, I’m not serious. The Choice is directed by Ross Katz (Adult Beginners) and will star Alexandra Daddario, Teresa Palmer, Benjamin Walker and Tom Welling.
This year is going to be insane for comic book movies and it all starts here with a gloriously filthy R rated superhero flick that fans have spent years asking for. The trailers look spot on, the casting of Ryan Reynolds is perfection and this movie is set to offend a whole lot of ill informed moms thinking they’re taking taking their kids to see a regular old superhero movie. The film will be directed by Tim Miller and also stars Morena Baccarin, Gina Carano and T.J. Miller. Wear your brown pants.
How are the people going to see the movie if they can’t even fit in the building?!!? If you know what my terrible joke is referring to, you’re probably stoked for this movie. Some fans begged for this film to be made while others are just hoping it isn’t another Dumb and Dumber 2. We all know it’s going to be a stupid movie and if you don’t enjoy stupid movies you’ll probably stay away. For the rest of us the question remains is it funny stupid? Or have these jokes already ran their course? We shall see; the mer-man sequel will be directed by Ben Stiller himself and stars Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig and unfortunately for everyone over the age of zero, Justin Bieber.
How To Be Single
Look, there’s two kinds of people in this world. People who like Rebel Wilson and think she’s funny or people who would rather set themselves on fire with a blowtorch, while listening to “Barbie Girl”, on repeat for an eternity, in hell, while having spoon fulls of dirty sand, imported from the worlds filthiest beach, force fed to them than ever see one of her movies again. Depending on which one of those exact camps you fall in, determines whether or not you will want to see this movie. It’s about Dakota Johnson’s character having a break up and then Rebel Wilson’s character showing her the ropes of living what this movie calls the single life. I don’t judge either way; be you.
Directed by Stephen Hopkins (Predator 2) Race is the story of Jesse Owens, an Olympic track and field athlete who won a record breaking four gold medals while facing off against Adolf Hitler’s vision of Aryan supremacy in the 1936 Olympics. It was originally slated to star John Boyega, who had to drop out due to filming Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It will instead star Stephan James (Selma) and Jason Sudeikis (We’re The Millers).
Directed by Kevin Reynolds (Waterworld), Risen is an action/adventure flick that follows the biblical story of the resurrection, told through the eyes on a soldier and non-believer. The flick stars Joseph Fiennes (Shakespeare In Love) as Clavius and Tom Felton (Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets) as Lucius.
One of the bylines for the film says it feels like you are watching something that you shouldn’t be seeing. I’m here to tell you; that’s what I felt like just watching the trailer. This is one of the most highly anticipated horror flicks of 2016 and it looks like it might require a drink and a shower after wards. It’s about a 1630’s family torn apart by witchcraft and other scary happenings. There’s also freaky goats.
Gods of Egypt
I’m so sorry I lied to you fine folks; apparently it is forever January. Gods of Egypt dropped to an unhappy group of viewers when they saw the whitewashing of the cast for this film about a common thief and a mythical god on a quest through Egypt. It also upset people looking to see a good movie trailer. Somehow directed by Alex Proyas (The Crow), Egypt looks like it’s going to give you a dose of CGI large enough to last the entire year.
Do yourself a favor and go watch the trailer to this right now if you haven’t seen it. With intensity for days this flick is directed by John Hillcoat (The Road) and has an insane cast featuring Woody Harrelson, Gal Gadot, Aaron Paul, Norman Reedus, Casey Affleck, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Kate Winslet, Anthony Mackie and Teresa Palmer. It’s about a gang of criminals and bad cops planning to do really bad things.
Eddie The Eagle
Despite what the title would have you believe; Eddie is not an eagle (late spoiler alert). He’s Eddie Edwards, Great Britain’s first ski jumper to enter the Winter Olympics and this is the loosely based story he inspired. It stars Wolverine as Hugh Jackman as Bronson Peary and Taron Egerton as the formerly mentioned non-eagle, Eddie. The film just debuted at Sundance to a 71% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on a handful of reviews.
Whew. I’m really tired, guys. There’s all the movies hitting theaters this February, at least for now. I’m sure there will be a few changes as last month Fifty Shades of Black didn’t seem to hit the calendar until after the month had already started. Then again, if nobody see’s or enjoys a movie; did it ever really exist in the first place? Stay tuned to GeekNation for any updates and all my bad jokes.
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