Holy crap. Best ending ever! Well, since last week’s best ending ever. Not that there’s any comparison really. I mean come on! Let’s get through everything else fast so we can get to that AMAZING ending, shall we?
First up we have Jaime and Brienne…in sadsville. If you had told me in season one that I would have been feeling sorry for Jaime Lannister I would’ve been all like “What you talking about, Willis?” But here I am feeling bad for a guy wearing his sword hand around his neck, gulping down horse urine. It really doesn’t get any lower than that. I’m trying really hard not to veer off into a long-winded pondering about how they collected that horse piss into a canteen. BUT ANYWAY…
And to get us out of the sads…
Varys is back in a big way this episode, which makes me very happy. He gives Tyrion a lesson in revenge. We find out how he lost his genitals and we also find out he is a patient mofo when it comes to punishing the sorcerer who took them, leading us to a creeptastic reveal. Yowza! The only thing missing was Brad Pitt screaming ‘WHAT’S IN THE BOOOX!’
SMALL SCENE WRAP-UP!
Scene at Craster’s. A scene I will refer to as a ‘Wait for it…’ scene.
Oh! I almost forgot! Bran had another dream somewhere in there. Moving on!
MORE VARYS! Ros informs Varys of her suspicions that Littlefinger is doing some Sansa scheming. Eww. Littlefinger. Best grossest name ever.
Cut to, Lady Olenna and Cersei finally together! I want more scenes between these two please.
We also see Margaery and Joffrey go out and great the crowds. They lover her! Er, I mean him! Cersei fumes in the shadows.
Okay, a REALLY juicy scene now. Let’s savor it a little, shall we?
Theon Greyjoy. Sigh. You are such a little POS. But I have to admit you laid it out! Not only did he admit to all his dirty deeds, but he said he made the wrong choice and this:
Which gave me a major throat lump because I think I truly believe that Ned Stark was my father also. Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me either. But the [throat clear] ‘boy’ didn’t care. He was all like ‘In your face!” He had led him back to the torture chamber! They had come full circle! Kind of like the circle of life, only more like the circle of torture and possible death. Which makes the ‘boy’ smile sadistically. Because he’s…well you’ll see.
Prepare yourself, girls inexplicably crushing on Ramsay Bolton is coming. I mean “the boy”.
Then we have more Jaime and Brienne which starts of all ‘You’re acting like a woman’ sassy and ends all “Why’d you help me’ sweet. Am I the only one hardcore shipping these two??
Then we have a scene with Tywin and Cersei. Cersei has totally lost her game, yes? Daddy issues much? She tries and fails to impress her father, who basically tells her that the reason he doesn’t respect her ain’t because she’s a woman, it’s because she’s not as smart as she thinks. Ouch. Then he says he’ll control Joffrey, which makes make me secretly like him.
Lady Olenna and Varys…what an absolutely delicious combo! They basically discuss the Sansa sitch. And we also get this hilarious moment!
Next up Margaery proposes to Sansa! Well, she proposes marriage to Loras. I guess anything’s better than Littlefinger.
Okay, are we ready? ‘CAUSE IT’S GOING DOWN!
FINALLY Craster gets called the eff out! ‘Daughter-effing Wilding bastard’ to be exact. All hell breaks loose and the Daughter-effing Wilding bastard gets killed! YAY! Record scratch. Oh no…NO! Jeor Mormont, I forbid you to die! Oh crap…now I get the meaning of this episode’s title. I mean I actually knew the moment I heard it..BUT STILL!
The we get to see Arya Stark get all up in the Hound’s ass. Gosh, I love her. The Hound is sentenced to Trial by Combat.
Which leaves us with THE BEST ENDING EVER!
Okay, let’s break it down. Dany enters the Plaza of Punishment to make her trade with Kraznys. She gives him the leash(?) to the dragon, he hands over the golden whip that gives her control of the Unsullieds.
“The bitch has her army!” he smugly says in High Valyrian. The dragons have had no obedience training though, so Kraznys continues berating Dany in High Valyrian.
“A Dragon is not a slave!” she tells the doofus! I think he calls her a bitch again but because she doesn’t speak…hold the phone she addresses the Unsullieds in High Valyrian!!! Cut to reaction shots of everyone doing their best “OH SNAP!” face.
She commands the Unsullieds to kill all the slave masters and free all the slaves! Craziness ensues! Kraznys orders Dany to be killed! BOOM!
More craziness! And then she’s all like:
She informs the Unsullieds they are free men and will face no repercussions if they choose to leave. They all choose to fight for her naturally. I mean I’m the biggest wimp there is and I would TOTALLY fight for her. Then she rides off with her loyal army and all of her dragons, AND SHE DROPS THE EFFING MIC!
What did you think of this episode? You’ve already watched the ending 10 straight times right?
Now check our our GeekNation Game of Thrones Recap & Review Podcast!
Latest posts by Desi Jedeikin (see all)
- ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 4 Episode 10 Recap: “The Children” - June 16, 2014
- ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 4 Episode 9 Recap: “The Watchers on the Wall” - June 9, 2014
- ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 4 Episode 8 Recap: “The Mountain And The Viper” - June 2, 2014
- Adam McKay Probably Won’t Direct ‘Ant-Man’ - June 1, 2014
- James Mangold In Talks To Direct Biopic About Football Star Joe Namath - May 29, 2014