Well, well, well…looks like an unlikely duo took ole’ Joffrey out! Hardly surprising, but a delightful match for sure! We’ll get to that in a bit though, because there’s a lot more to go through first. Not the most exciting episode of GoT, but lots of good scenes to discuss.I think the last two episodes had enough excitement, I needed a chance to catch my breath. So let’s get to it!
First up, we’re in Meereen, where Missandei is giving Grey Worm an English lesson. Is he hot for teacher? Let the shipping begin!
And let the revolt begin as well! Grey Worm leaves his sexy tutor, to lead Dany’s army in taking the city. It works! Duh!
Daenerys walks through the city looking all stunning despite, as usual. Seriously, if I go camping for one night I wake up looking like I’ve been at Burning Man for a week. HOW DOES SHE DO IT!?
It’s time for the masters to face justice. Barristan advises, “Sometimes, it is better to answer injustice with mercy.” Dany’s all like “Nah!” and says “I will answer injustice with justice.” Then the masters are nailed up on the posts. One in particular is really wailing. It’s okay, dude. I would have been crying like a baby too.
Meanwhile at King’s Landing, Jaime and Bronn are practicing sword-fighting again. Bronn hits Jaime with his gold hand. And then scolds him for not doing more to help his brother. Aww, Bronn! Jaime does visit his brother. And ‘The Kingslayer Brothers(!)’ have a lovely little heart-to-heart.
This is the Jaime we love, GoT writers! Can we all just forget the incident that shall-not-be-named? I’m going with the ‘it’s not canon’ reasoning. Okay, moving on. Jaime admits he’s Joffrey’s father and Tyrion says he did not kill Jaime’s idiot inbred son, only he phrases it a bit more delicately.Tyrion tries to get Jaime to help him escape, Jaime declines. But we all feel better knowing that the brothers have a a good and loyal relationship…unlike brother and sister. Oh Boy!
As Cersei downs another goblet of wine, Jaime defends Tyrion. But boozy Cersei is not finished seeking destruction of everyone she thinks had a hand in killing her son. Now she wants Sansa’s head as well and she wants Jaime to fetch it for her. When he declines to, she treats him like a minion and sends him on his way.
But Jaime does comply with her order to send a knight to find Sansa, kinda, sorta. This scene though, oof. My heart hurt watching it. He asks Brienne to find Sansa and bring her somewhere safe, honoring his promise to Catelyn. Because Jaime is a decent person, deep, deep down.
Brienne knows it, too. Jaime gives her his Valyrian sword, a custom-made suit of armor, and Podrick! How much do you love thinking of Jaime having that armor made, describing Brienne’s measurements. LOVE! Also Brienne names the sword “Oathkeeper”, which is as good as naming it Jaime. Throat lump. Then they say goodbye and I die.
On Littlefinger’s ship, Sansa and crew are headed to Eyrie, so Littlefinger can marry her Aunt Lysa, who’s most famous for breast-feeding a near teen-aged child. Sansa, who is now using her brain, thank goodness, knows that Littlefinger was involved in killing Joffrey and asks him why he did it, when the Lannisters have been so good to him. “A man with no motive is a man no one suspects,” he says. He then reveals that her necklace was the vehicle for the poison that killed Joffrey. Of course being Littlefinger, he has to take things further into creepytown:
But Littlefinger always has a motive, so you know he’s latched on to a new powerful family…but which one?
Why the Tyrells of course! In particular, Olenna Tyrell. So if you didn’t love her already, now is your chance to get on board. Back in the garden where Olenna holds court, she reveals how she stole Margaery’s Grandpa from her sister with some kind of special skills that I don’t even want to know more about. Then she drops the bomb:
Margaery’s expression is best described as doe-eyed D’OH!
Then taking a cue from grandma, she goes into Tommen’s room that night and gets a bit seductive with the boy. Ummmm, no. WTF, Westeros? I have no doubt that poor Tommen had his first nocturnal emission that night. Can’t wait until Cersei finds out!
Back at the wall, Jon Snow still wants to take out Karl, Alliser’s like okay, hoping Jon will die. Jon asks for volunteers to join him and gets a bunch, including Roose Bolton’s guy, Locke, who Bolton assigned the task of killing all the remaining Starks. Uh oh.
At Craster’s, Karl and his depraved Night’s Watch crew are involved in some crazy debauchery, even by GoT’s standards.The wild, drunken rape-fest is interrupted when a baby is brought into the mix. Ah!
The baby is then sacrificed to the White Walkers. Oh and Bran, Hodor, Meera and Jojen, are captured and Bran reveals he’s a Stark. Good thing Jon and the guy who’s job it is to kill all the remaining Starks will be there soon! Wait..what?
AND we finally learn what happens to all of those babies:
What did you think of this episode? Let’s discuss in the comments!
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