Well, well, well, looks like Varys was correct. Littlefinger may just be the most dangerous man in Westeros! But we’ll get to that in a bit! First up, a new king is crowned!
Poor Tommen! “Long may he reign!” everyone cheered. You kind of just get the feeling that in Westeros, that doesn’t mean too much. Naturally, Cersei noticed the wily Margaery staring at the young king and made her way over for a chat. But surprise! Cersei is down with a Margaery/Tommen union, much more so than her own union with Margaery’s brother. But the biggest shock of all, perhaps, was hearing Cersei reveal her true feelings about Joffrey. “He would have been your nightmare. You knew exactly what he was. The things he did shocked me.” And then some Chinatown-esque jokes are always a hoot on this show:
Cersei confirmed her wedding plans with her Pop. Tywin knows that the Lannisters and the Tyrells must keep their relationship strong in order to keep power, so he was down!
Meanwhile in Meereen, Dany is holding court with her advisers. Daario’s all cool and perfect as usual, but Dany is concerned about her ability to conquer Westeros. Not only does she not have enough troops, but the last two cities she freed have gone into complete turmoil. But these doubts show us why Dany would make such a perfect Queen. She recognizes her responsibility to her people, she recognizes what she doesn’t know, and she accepts her limitations. She tells Ser Jorah, “How can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule Slaver’s Bay? I will not let those I freed slide back into chains.” And then the kicker:
DO IT! We are all rooting for you, Mother of Dragons!
Moving on the Eyrie at the Vale of Arryn AKA CRAZYTOWN. Aunt Lysa and cousin Robin appear to be as close as ever – hopefully not still breast-feeding close, but who the heck knows with Lysa. She’s not well, to say the least.
She wants to marry Littlefinger right away, he reluctantly agrees, and then the marrying crew shuffles in immediately to perform the ceremony. Talk about your bridezilla! The look on Littlefinger’s face was priceless. You get the feeling he isn’t often the one being played.
Then we get our big “WHAT!?” moment of the episode. Lysa is the one who poisoned her husband, Jon Arryn, Hand of the King, at Littlefinger’s request. He then had Lysa write a letter to Catelyn blaming the Lannisters for her husband’s death and Tyrion for trying to kill Bran. Cut to Ned Stark becoming the Hand of the King, cut to Ned Stark getting his head cut off. You know the rest.
So yeah, basically Littlefinger set everything into motion. And now he’s all down with the Tyrells. This guy is slick. Including in the bedroom apparently. Poor Sansa! Hasn’t she been through enough already? Nope! She has to listen to her Aunt’s sex wails, all night long. After the Red Wedding, that’s maybe the most horrifying thing I’ve witnessed on the show.
But more horrors await Sansa! Her Aunt Lysa gets, you guessed it, crazy! She is insanely jealous that her new hubby is sweet on Sansa, and she’s probably right. BUT STILL!
Don’t worry Sansa, once Tyrion is killed, you get to marry Cousin Robin. Cue Sansa jumping down the Moon Door.
A few small scenes: Brienne and Podrick, Arya and The Hound, and Oberyn and Cersei – not much to report here. But the Oberyn/Cersei scene probably had the most gut-wrenching exchange of the series for me:
Oof. She’s so dang heartless, you can forget sometimes that much of it is due to the world that Cersei is trying to survive in. It’s nice to remember that underneath it all, she is a mother and a survivor. Okay, back to being frustrated by her treatment of Tyrion.
And finally we get some action down at ol’ Caster’s place. Karl and a few of his men are about to rape poor Meera, and boy was I freaking out. I did not want to see that happen. Luckily, the Night’s Watch arrive and Karl and his men must go fight men instead of women and children. Unfortunately, Bolton’s man Locke finds Bran and attempts to kidnap him. But Bran wargs Hodor and Hodor takes Locke out! It was awesome!
Bran attempts to crawl to Jon Snow, but Jojen convinces him not to, as Jon will not let them continue North. BUT I WANTED THAT REUNION SO BAD, JOJEN! Oh well!
Next up, Jon and Karl fight it out. With the help of one of Craster’s daughters, Jon ends the fight with a sword through the head. It was grusomely great. Then Jon offers to shelter Craster’s brood at Castle Black, but they decline before burning down Caster’s place. I guess it’s kind of the Westeros version of burning your bra or something like that.
But we end on this ‘AWWWW!’ moment. Jon and Ghost are reunited! I got a bit teary-eyed.
So nothing too major happening in tonight’s episode. No Tyrion or Jaime either. But now we know. Everyone should be keeping their eye on this guy:
What did you think of this episode? Let us know in the comments!
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