True Blood Premiere Recap: ‘Who Are You, Really?’

By June 17, 2013

So “True Blood” premiered last night just in time to help me get over my “Game of Thrones” withdrawal. Did it fill the void? Well…not exactly, but I’m still excited to see what this season brings. Mainly because…Eric Northman. This is total Team Eric recap, people. Anyone still on Team Bill I sincerely ask…WHY??

But back to the show! We started where we left off in last season’s finale. Sookie, Eric, Jason Jessica, Nora, Pam and Tara are trying to escape the compound and Billith. I mean he’s totally scary and gross…so yeah. I’d run from this too:

They all escape…well, by “all,” I mean “everyone we are interested in.” Sorry, Luna. But at least Sam and Emma escape as well! It was supposed to be sad, but sadly, I didn’t care. I feel guilty about it, believe me.

Also since the finale, Jason has become even more stupid, which I honestly didn’t think was possible. Oh vey!

Sookie proclaims that Billith is no longer Bill. As if to illustrate that point, Billith flies off like some kind of bloody Man of Steel (topical tie-in!).

Cut to, The Governor! He’s on the human’s side and is installing a vampire curfew. Seems like an awesome plan that will totally work.

Back to the gang where conflict and heart-to-hearts are running rampant. Sookie and Jessica both admit to still loving Bill. Pam is competing for Eric’s love, this time with Nora, Eric’s sister. Eric and Nora discuss Warlow . And dumb Jason declares that Sookie is dead to him. In another shocking moment, I declare dumb Jason dead to me.

Then Jessica started writhing and barfing because Bill was summoning her. This cute and gross thing happened. Aw!

Meanwhile with the wolfpack, Alcide had to eat some flesh to officially become pack leader. After seeing this:

I still wanted to make out with him.

At chateau Bellefleur, Andy is dealing with the trauma of having four fairy infants. I liked this part:

Later he was further traumatized when they were like 4 all of a sudden. The good news: his unexpected parenting duties should be over soon when they turn 18 in a few episodes.

Sam and Emma seek refuge at Merlotte’s, where they run into Lafayette who serves up several hilarious lines (‘Is this about your girlfriend turning into Steve Newlin, ’cause that was the sickest s– I’ve seen on TV, and I watch Dance Moms.’ ‘wrong place at the wrong time should be my middle name’) and this one:

Then Jason gets picked up by a mysterious man, Sookie tries to stake Bill to save Eric and Alcide has a wolfie threesome!

Oh yeah and the governor makes a deal with Ms. Suzuki regarding True Blood production. I’m sure it’s completely legit.

Tara and Pam are at Fangtasia having a lover’s quarrel about Eric. SHUT UP, TARA! Suddenly armed guards bust down the door and shoot Tara. Sadly, she keeps yapping, only now in pain.

BUT the best scene was between Eric and Sookie. And THIS:

After he gives her her house back, she rescinds her invitation. I’m sure not for long. Goodbye, Eric!

Nora tells Eric that Sookie is his weakness…uh oh. Interesting. Then we see Bill and Jessica have a little maker/progeny time.

Back to dumb Jason and Rutger Hauer, I mean Niall. Where DUH DUH DUN! After Jason tells him his life story, he reveals that he’s Warlow. But is he? We’ll have to see I guess.

Also I found this cute picture:

What did you think? Let’s discuss in the comments!

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Desi Jedeikin

Desi Jedeikin

Desi Jedeikin is a Los Angeles based writer and performer. She has appeared in numerous sketch comedy/improv shows at venues in L.A., including the Groundlings Theater, Comedy Central Stage, and the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, where she played Squeaky Fromme in the infamous alternative comedy show Comedy Death Ray. Unfinished projects include a memoir and a musical based on the life and death of JonBenet Ramsey. She has lots of other brilliant ideas she might complete. She really just needs more encouragement. You can follow Desi on Twitter: @Desijedeikin Here: And here too: She likes being followed.